Day 9 – 31 Ways to Die in Ecuador

June 12 – 2:22pm

Today is Sunday in the Bear House and myself and Jack are on House Guard Duty. Which means, we’re doing absolutely nothing! I feel like a mushroom.

So, for lack of something better to do, the Andean Bear Project presents:

31 Ways to Die in Ecuador

1. Tragic Bus Accident due to Lack of Guard Rails, Road Lines, and Excessive Speeding.
2. Tragic Hitch-Hiking (Cammionetta) Accident due to Lack of Guard Rails, Road Lines, and Excessive Speeding.
3. Land-Slide Related Accident – i.e. Being Crushed by a Really Big Chunk of Mountain.
4. Getting Hit By a Car/Bus/Truck While Hiking. Everyone Drives in the Middle of the Road. (Luckily, it is so quiet here, you can hear cars a mile away. Haha.)
5. Tragic Zip-Lining Accident – i.e. Really Old Zip-Line Snaps as you Cross Over the Valley.
6. Climbing a Mountain – i.e. Climbing up the Side of a Mountain After it Rains and Slipping and Falling to Your Death.
7. Walking Through Cloud Forest, Falling, and Getting Impaled by a Piece of Bamboo Cut Into a Point by a Machete.
8. Walking Through Cloud Forest with a Machete, Slipping, and Stabbing Yourself – i.e. Bleeding to Death.
9. Walking Through Spider Webs in Cloud Forest and Being Bitten By an Extremely Poisonous Spider or a Huge Number of Only Slightly Poisonous Spiders.
10. Walking Through Cloud Forest, Touching a Poisonous Frog, and Then Eating Lunch Without Washing Your Hands.
11. Walking Through Cloud Forest and Eating Ecuadorian “Crazy” Berries (Which Cause You to Go Psychotic and Die).
12. Drinking Bad Water. “It better be boiled!” – Me
13. Climbing Up to Paramo Habitat and Dying of Extreme Altitude Sickness.
14. Leaning Against the Loose Railing of the Bear House and Falling Onto Concrete Steps and Breaking Your Neck.
15. Slipping on Ecuadorian Mud Yards and Cracking Your Head Open.
16. Being Stung to Death by Tiny Wasps That Are Everywhere!
17. Being Attacked By an Andean Bear- (Highly Unlikely).
18. Being Attacked By a Puma – (Highly Unlikely).
19. Being Attacked By Rabid Street Dogs – (REALLY LIKELY!)
20. Being Attacked By a Local – (this sort of happened, but not in a deadly way…)
21. Being Kicked in the Head by Free-Roaming Horses – i.e Getting Kicked By a Momma Horse Protecting Her Foal.
22. Being Bitten By a Ba-Zillion Mosquitoes with Dengue Fever.
23. Hiking Down to the River, Falling In, and Drowning.
24. Contracting Typhoid.
25. Contracting Yellow Fever.
26. Contracting Rabies.
27. Contracting a Parasitic Disease from Un-Washed Fruit.
28. Having a Heart Attack After Finally Seeing an Andean Bear.
29. Dying of Hypothermia in High Altitude Cloud Forest After Falling and Breaking Your Leg. (Impossible to Med-Evac) 
30. Finding Out That You’re Allergic to Some Cloud Forest Plant You Rubbed Up Against While Hiking.
31. Being Gored By Cattle (Cows Actually Have Horns Here!)

Why 31? Because that is the exact number of days I am in Ecuador. I could die 31 different ways in 31 different days. Haha. Doesn’t that just make you excited?